28Nov2008

Three General was discussing "Whose soldier have more GUTS"

The American general called for one of his men and told him to jump down the ship and take a round swimming around the moving ship. The soldier did as he was told.
When he came back from the water the American said - "See the guts!"

Now the German general called out for one of his men and asked him to take two similar rounds. The soldier did as he was told.
When he came back from the water the German said - "See the guts!".

Now the Indian General called out for one of his soldier and asked him to take five similar rounds.
The soldier promptly replied,"Tere baap ka naukar hooon kya...?????"
At this the general proudly said, "See the GUTS!!"

27Nov2008

How to Handle a Traffic Stop

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: This car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir, that's where I put it after I shot the owner of this car and stuffed his body in the
trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!

Driver: Yes sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation.

The Captain slowly approached the driver...

Captain: Sir, can I see you license? Driver: Sure, here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration card.

Captain: Could you slowly open the glove box so I can see if there's a gun in there?

Driver: Yes sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told there was a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

The trunk is opened: no body.

Captain: I don't understand. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet he told you that I was speeding, too

26Nov2008

दो बुजुर्ग मिले , एक दूसरे से हालचाल लेने लगे।
' कहिए क्या हाल हैं '
' बस भगवान की कृपा है '
बड़ा लड़का शेयर मार्किट में है , दूसरा इनवेस्टमंट बैंकिंग में है , तीसरा एयरवेज़ में है , चौथा सॉफ्टवेयर इंजीनियर है और सबसे छोटा पान वाला है , आजकल तो घर छोटा लड़का ही चला रहा है।

25Nov2008

Do Dost they. Lekin ek din ek dost ka maut ho gaya aur police investigate karne ke liye aaya aur uske dost ko sawal poochne laga…

Police: "Tumhara dost kaise mara?"

Sardar: "Pata nahi sahab, woh bola mere pet mein chuhe kud rahe hai toh maine usko chuha marne ki dawa de di."

24Nov2008

Banta gets on a plane and sits next to the window.
A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him.
The huge man glares threateningly at Banta, crowds him so much that he`s flattened against the window, and immediately falls asleep.

After the plane takes off, Banta starts to feel a little air sick, but he`s afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom.

After a few attempts, he realizes that he can`t climb over him, and so Banta is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.

Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes over Banta.
He just can`t hold it in any longer and finally pukes all over the big guy`s chest.

About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.

"So," Banta says brightly, "are you feeling better now?"